Self Discovery Through my Paintings.

“It takes courage to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” 

I think I can accurately say that I'm a very selfless person. I love making other people happy, and I constantly put others before myself. I'm not sure if that's totally healthy, but it works for me and my lifestyle. However, through my painting I've done some self-discovery that has shocked me slightly. 

* Firstly, I have a secret talent for painting with watercolors that I never knew existed. I have tried in the past to paint with acrylic and hated it. I couldn't manipulate the paint the way I wanted to. One day I had this urge to try out watercolors. I've always been drawn to the look of watercolor paintings, so I figured "Hey, why the hell not?". 

* Secondly, I really only like to paint at night. I'm a bit of an insomniac. I often have trouble falling asleep unless I'm SUPER tired. I'm not sure if this is why I only like to paint at night, but I think painting definitely helps me relax. I guess it's like having someone sign you a lullaby to fall asleep.

* Thirdly, I am INCREDIBLY selfish with my paintings. I've discovered, to my shock and amazement, that I hate painting for other people. I mean, I really despise it. I don't like being told what to paint. I don't like having a time-limit on my paintings. And honestly I don't like having the pressure of peoples judgement put on me. 

Now....just because I don't like painting for other people doesn't mean that I won't, or haven't. But I can definitely tell that the quality of my art is significantly lowered when I have to paint for someone else. I think this is because I don't get to pick out what I want to paint. So my heart just isn't in it. I have to push myself when I paint for other people. I have to say "Ok girl (yes I say Ok girl to myself), time to sit down, pick up your paint brush and get this over and done with.". I hate feeling like my art becomes a chore. But sometimes that's the case. I guess that's with everything in life though.

I'm hoping if I keep painting for other people then it will squash this negativity that I have towards it.

The second watercolor painting that I have ever done was for my mom. My intentions were good. She loves frogs, and I love making her happy, so I decided to paint her a frog. All-in-all, for my second-ever painting it came out pretty good. But in my eyes I know I didn't try my hardest. I could have done so much better.

I decided to put my signature in the eye. I hate when an artists signature takes up half the painting!